Post by nkachika on May 20, 2007 18:39:25 GMT -5
am begining to think at times that my life is a reality show being watched by visitors on another planet who are incredulous to the antics of this Jewish white girl. Which leads me to the following quote coined by someone probably quite humorous yet the name escapes me "Earth is nothing but an intergalatic reality show."
Last night my friend Lanecia whose birthday is today decided that for her present she wanted to go a 36 hour music festival which was being held in the Everglades. Yes you heard correctly, the freakin Everglades. Now far be it from me to dash the hopes for one of my best friend's birthday so I agreed to accompany her. I mean why wouldnt I, my only other option was being with a very cute gentlemen I met the prior Wednesday night, I mean it would mean me having to spend time with him on a yacht in West Palm Beach. (cute, works on yachts, loves classic rock, is well spoken, calls me all the time to see how I am, and can dance! there is hope for the male race after all!) So I mean the choice was simple.
Thus I packed a bag with clothes and a crapload of Off seeing as mosquitos see me and go "FREE KOSHER BUFFET" First we drove to Hollywood where we met an old friend whom I used to work with and Lanecia has worked with as well to acquire his camping equipment for the journey. Mister Larry was educating Lanecia on how to use the campfire grill ("Now chica, pay attention closely so you dont blow up) while I got gas. When I told Larry about my fear of me being gator meat (Local Jewish woman gets eaten by a gator. Gator was quoted as saying "Hmm tastes like chicken") Larry assauged my fears by saying "Chica, its not the gators you have to worry about it, its the snakes" THANKS Larry.
Lanecia and I traveled onwaard and I should have known this night was quickly in a downward spiral when we got lost in Opa Locka ("Take I 75 south to 29 south." "Lanecia I75 is ending there is no 29 south" "No really keep going it migiht be there" "Lanecia! we are on another expressway, what did they add on an exit when we werent looking") During the travel Larry called and said "Hey listen, anything happens out there, I will come get you guys, seriously any funky buisness you let me know" But we were confident we would be true campers as Lanecia had packed my car with chicken, blankets, bags of cheetos, water, alcohol, and toilet paper ("you think one roll will be enough Felice, how much toilet paper do you need?" "Enough so I dont have to wipe myself with a leaf and itch my way through the rest of the trip" "Ahh dont worry Felice, I also bought feminine wipes!" "Great so if we got lost and are out of food I can snack on a treat from Massengil")
We finally ended up on Tamiami Trail heading west toward Naples to locate this mysterious campground where the music festival was being held. Now one wou.ld think music festival = lights on a sign to said campground but NOOOOO. We drove and drove in the middle of nowhere and saw quite a few campgrounds but not the one we needed. At one point I said, "Wonderful we are lost in the Everglades, you will need to call Larry and say "Hey we are stranded in the Everglades. We are out of chicken, water, alcohol, Lanecia has mysterious bumps from wiping herself with a leaf, we smell like manure, and I ate the last Cheeto and Lanecia jumped me."
As we ventured along Lanecia saw a bright light in the distance, "Hey maybe thats it" "No Lanecia that would be fire, you know fire...you can smell it" "Its not coming toward us right?" Drove along some more, Lanecia saw a flashing light, "Hey there is hope maybe thats it!" "No Lanecia that would be a cell phone tower" And as we passed signs that said Panther Crossing and Fog/Smoke and I wondered if my little Hyundai could make it through, we realized we were 15 miles outside of Naples. I quickly turned around to make one last attempt to find said campground and in the pitch black. Along the way possums decided their life wasnt worth living and commited suicide by jumping in front of my car. "GAHHHHH *high pitched scream" "What Felice you saw the campground?" "No I just had animals run in front of my car and I committed possum murder, but no worries I think my heart attack is over now, sorry it wasnt the campground"
We eventually gave up and ended up at Micosukee Casino and Hotel. Now mind you this makes Hard Rock look like the Ritz. Lanecia seriously had to use the facilities which at this point apparently was on the ground outside my car but hey she had feminine wipes so she was good to go. The decor looked like the entire Art Deco district of Miami vomited in there. Where is Queer Eye for the Straight Guy when you need it? We had a couple drinks and played a few slots. Of course the slots looked the equivalent of a Pac Man Video game straight with foam arm rests all of which looked like they have been slashed (d**n rigged slot machines, watch this you Indians, I will rip this nuts up with my trusty pocket knife.) We finally left and went back to my car where we ran into a Spanish couple who looked at us and said "Chocho...CHOCHO!" I was like "What chocho, are you hitting on me?" "No choco (makes claw like hands and opens his mouth wide) GRRRRRRRR!" Lanecia and I looked at each other and said "Is this a mental patient?" That is until we heard his wife say under her breath in English "Big Animal" We both freak and Lanecia goes "RUN!!!!! It might smell urine by the car! RUN!!!!!! Does this pregnant dog have automatic key locks? RUN!!!!!" We ran to my car and jumped in and successfully drove home in my car that smelled of chicken. And yes dear readers we made it home safely.
Written by my Friend Felice. Sorry Afromotive, i will check you next time. Keep Playing Great Music. Let me KNOW WHEN YOU NEED A DANCER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Last night my friend Lanecia whose birthday is today decided that for her present she wanted to go a 36 hour music festival which was being held in the Everglades. Yes you heard correctly, the freakin Everglades. Now far be it from me to dash the hopes for one of my best friend's birthday so I agreed to accompany her. I mean why wouldnt I, my only other option was being with a very cute gentlemen I met the prior Wednesday night, I mean it would mean me having to spend time with him on a yacht in West Palm Beach. (cute, works on yachts, loves classic rock, is well spoken, calls me all the time to see how I am, and can dance! there is hope for the male race after all!) So I mean the choice was simple.
Thus I packed a bag with clothes and a crapload of Off seeing as mosquitos see me and go "FREE KOSHER BUFFET" First we drove to Hollywood where we met an old friend whom I used to work with and Lanecia has worked with as well to acquire his camping equipment for the journey. Mister Larry was educating Lanecia on how to use the campfire grill ("Now chica, pay attention closely so you dont blow up) while I got gas. When I told Larry about my fear of me being gator meat (Local Jewish woman gets eaten by a gator. Gator was quoted as saying "Hmm tastes like chicken") Larry assauged my fears by saying "Chica, its not the gators you have to worry about it, its the snakes" THANKS Larry.
Lanecia and I traveled onwaard and I should have known this night was quickly in a downward spiral when we got lost in Opa Locka ("Take I 75 south to 29 south." "Lanecia I75 is ending there is no 29 south" "No really keep going it migiht be there" "Lanecia! we are on another expressway, what did they add on an exit when we werent looking") During the travel Larry called and said "Hey listen, anything happens out there, I will come get you guys, seriously any funky buisness you let me know" But we were confident we would be true campers as Lanecia had packed my car with chicken, blankets, bags of cheetos, water, alcohol, and toilet paper ("you think one roll will be enough Felice, how much toilet paper do you need?" "Enough so I dont have to wipe myself with a leaf and itch my way through the rest of the trip" "Ahh dont worry Felice, I also bought feminine wipes!" "Great so if we got lost and are out of food I can snack on a treat from Massengil")
We finally ended up on Tamiami Trail heading west toward Naples to locate this mysterious campground where the music festival was being held. Now one wou.ld think music festival = lights on a sign to said campground but NOOOOO. We drove and drove in the middle of nowhere and saw quite a few campgrounds but not the one we needed. At one point I said, "Wonderful we are lost in the Everglades, you will need to call Larry and say "Hey we are stranded in the Everglades. We are out of chicken, water, alcohol, Lanecia has mysterious bumps from wiping herself with a leaf, we smell like manure, and I ate the last Cheeto and Lanecia jumped me."
As we ventured along Lanecia saw a bright light in the distance, "Hey maybe thats it" "No Lanecia that would be fire, you know fire...you can smell it" "Its not coming toward us right?" Drove along some more, Lanecia saw a flashing light, "Hey there is hope maybe thats it!" "No Lanecia that would be a cell phone tower" And as we passed signs that said Panther Crossing and Fog/Smoke and I wondered if my little Hyundai could make it through, we realized we were 15 miles outside of Naples. I quickly turned around to make one last attempt to find said campground and in the pitch black. Along the way possums decided their life wasnt worth living and commited suicide by jumping in front of my car. "GAHHHHH *high pitched scream" "What Felice you saw the campground?" "No I just had animals run in front of my car and I committed possum murder, but no worries I think my heart attack is over now, sorry it wasnt the campground"
We eventually gave up and ended up at Micosukee Casino and Hotel. Now mind you this makes Hard Rock look like the Ritz. Lanecia seriously had to use the facilities which at this point apparently was on the ground outside my car but hey she had feminine wipes so she was good to go. The decor looked like the entire Art Deco district of Miami vomited in there. Where is Queer Eye for the Straight Guy when you need it? We had a couple drinks and played a few slots. Of course the slots looked the equivalent of a Pac Man Video game straight with foam arm rests all of which looked like they have been slashed (d**n rigged slot machines, watch this you Indians, I will rip this nuts up with my trusty pocket knife.) We finally left and went back to my car where we ran into a Spanish couple who looked at us and said "Chocho...CHOCHO!" I was like "What chocho, are you hitting on me?" "No choco (makes claw like hands and opens his mouth wide) GRRRRRRRR!" Lanecia and I looked at each other and said "Is this a mental patient?" That is until we heard his wife say under her breath in English "Big Animal" We both freak and Lanecia goes "RUN!!!!! It might smell urine by the car! RUN!!!!!! Does this pregnant dog have automatic key locks? RUN!!!!!" We ran to my car and jumped in and successfully drove home in my car that smelled of chicken. And yes dear readers we made it home safely.
Written by my Friend Felice. Sorry Afromotive, i will check you next time. Keep Playing Great Music. Let me KNOW WHEN YOU NEED A DANCER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
